


Hate to See Your Heart Break

by JustAn0therFang1rl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Based on a song, F/M, Reader-Insert, Self-Harm, Song fic, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 09:04:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8138362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAn0therFang1rl/pseuds/JustAn0therFang1rl
Summary: Sam and Dean telling you the words you need to hear after finding out about your self harm.
Based on the Paramore song of the same name.
PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU MIGHT BECOME TRIGGERED. I wrote this for therapeutic purposes. If you you feel you may become triggered, please don't risk it. I won't be offended at all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am seriously obsessed with this song and I strongly suggest you listen to it, especially if you have depression. It helps make me feel less alone.
> 
> I was triggered and having some self harm urges, but I wrote this instead.

You’re not even sure what triggered you this time. It seemed to happen without reason these days. Guess that’s just part of depression.

What would Sam and Dean think if they knew you did this? How fast would they throw your ass out of the bunker for being so weak? That’s why you never told them.

You only wore long sleeves. You say it’s just for extra protection, for the fabric to take some of the edge off from the attacks, but it’s all just a ruse. But you’re too ashamed and too scared for them to see the scars.

This knife, the knife in your hand now, was the only knife that the brothers didn’t know about. It never left its spot between your bed frame and the mattress, except when it was sawing and ripping through your soft skin.

What you didn’t know, is that you forgot to lock your door. The look on Sam’s face when he saw what you were doing… 

He didn’t say anything at that moment. He didn’t know what he  _ could _ say. He was still in shock. He knew you had your demons, but he never knew it was so bad.

You stared at him, the blade still wedged in your wrist, tears streaming down your face. You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat, but it didn’t budge.

“Sammy?” you hear Dean call in confusion from the hallway. “Everything okay?” He appeared in the doorway, looking to see what had Sam so pale.

“[Y/N],” he gasped, unsure what else to say. He stepped inside your room, coming over to you. “Give me the knife,” he said gently.

Frozen, you let him take the knife from your hand. You couldn’t bring yourself to move. You were waiting for them to tell you that you’re a freak, that you needed to leave.

“Sammy, get the first aid kit,” Dean requested. Sam nods once and goes to find it. Dean climbs onto your bed, lifting you on top of him while he does. As soon as his hand is in your hair, your silent tears become pained sobs.

“I’m sorry,” you whimper. “I’m so sorry!”

“Shh, shh,” he hushed. “It’s alright, sweetheart. You’re gonna be okay.” You felt him press his lips to the top of your head as you bury your face into his chest.

Sam returns with the first aid kit and joins you and Dean on your bed. He takes your bleeding arm and begins cleaning it. It stings, but you feel you deserve it. Sam wraps up your wrist in clean gauze, holding it in place with medical tape. Once he’s finished, he brings it to his lips and gently lays kisses over your wounds. You can’t help but smile at the gesture, though it only comes out a grimace.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sam asks you, setting the first aid kit aside and moving in closer to you.

You shake your head no. What are you supposed to say? ‘I feel like crap and nobody can help me’?

“I wish you would’ve come talk to us,” Dean murmured. “Maybe we could’ve helped you.”

“We still can,” Sam chimes in. “We’re always here for, [Y/N]. I hope you know that.”

You stare at him with confusion on your face. “You’re not going to kick me out?” Your voice is barely a whisper, but they heard you.

The brothers look at you with wide eyes.

“What would make you think that?” Sam’s voice breaks with the tears you can see him desperately trying to hold in.

“Because I’m weak. I’m damaged. I’m just… I’m nothing.”

Dean’s grip on you tightens as he hears your answer. “Sweetheart, don’t you  _ ever _ say that you’re nothing. You’re family.”

“We love you,” Sam agrees. “All of us. Cas, too.”

“And you are anything but weak,” Dean continues. “You’re one of the strongest people I have ever seen. I’m not happy about it, but hell, even keeping quiet for as long as you did… that’s pretty damn strong.”

“I’ve felt the way that you’re feeling now,” Sam admitted. “I hate to see you like this. But we’re going to help get you through this.”

“Here, take a deep breath,” Dean instructs. You do as he asks, feeling the air fill your lungs. “That feeling? That’s one of the best feelings I can think of.”

“There’s going to be a lot of pain,” Sam warns. “But there is so much joy to come as well. And we need you to be here to experience it with us.”

“All the pain that you feel, just let it be a reminder that you  _ can _ heal. And we’ll be here for all of it,” Dean promises. “You’re not going through it alone.”


End file.
